Where did the Hawds come from? Who has passed through? Maybe the following will clear up the mystery...
What can be said about the Hawds? It's like trying to hit
a moving target. They metamorphosise faster than a crane fly. From three piece
weird wednesdayism, through anarchic Minchinhampton callingesque seven piece
rock, to sweet, cast of thousands, deaf mans doorlike ballads that would bring
tears to the eyes of Joseph Stalin.
It was in 1984 that Rusty Stovebelly and Professor Bonkersknobbing first collaborated on their first tune. Unfortunately it was a menthol tune, and due to the professor's eucalyptus intolerance, he was hospitalised for the rest of the year.
The following year was understandably tense, which is best illustrated by this quote made by the professor, taken from the NME April 1985 :- " The new colon hasn't quite settled in yet but I still find working with a new asshole much more satisfying than working with the old asshole." He was of course referring to his previous colon. Rusty, however was not convinced and spent the next five years living with the Mong people honing his millinery skills.
"1990 and the Berlin wall came down" A joyous
occasion for most, but not for Rusty, who was stood next to it at the time.
Rusty explains :- " I had been travelling by yak for the best part of
three months. Well, as you can imagine the yak was pretty knackered by then
and having staggered through East Berlin it decided to rest its haunches on
this huge wall (at this point Rusty broke down, but what could be deciphered
between sobs is the love rusty held and still holds to this day for his beloved
yak, "Yakbab". May she rest in piece.)
!991- THE SPROUTINGS.
Once the colon misunderstanding had been resolved there was nothing to stop the intrepid duo from further collaboration. In the next six months they had written three verses, five middle eights, and half a chorus.
Professor Bonkersknobbin :-
"Of course, if all these elements had been in the same song we could have called it progress, but there was still great optimism and we did have an unshakable belief in each others potatoes."
Then came a defining moment. Dusty(The professor) had a brother called Musty who had been playing bass in the Big Apple with an all girl punk band.( I should point out that the Big Apple in question was not New York but a giant coxes orange pippin, erected without planning permission in Blobby land.) Musty was now married and came north with his bass guitar.
Rusty takes up the story:- "I remember the first session as if it was yesterday. The three of us set up in a disused quarry in Randwick woods.
It was then, that it hit us like a thunderbolt. The potential for greatness, the desperate need to scale the highest peaks of artistic creativity could only be achieved with a 250 volt power supply." The search for a "rehearsal space" was on!
They say God moves in mysterious ways. This was proved conclusively when an advert in the Stroud News and Journal dated 12th November 1991 which read "Drummer wanted, must have own horse." was answered by a drummer famous throughout the South Cotswold rock scene.
His name? Moist Crevice. So it was Rusty, Dusty, Musty and Moist became the Hawds, and an unsuspecting public were just twenty songs away from utter sensual overload.